I just got off the phone with my wireless company. Stunning example of customer service and efficiency. Here’s the play-by-play:
My cell phone rings. Hmm, 1-800 number.
Automated voice: “Hello, this is your wireless company, calling about your account. Please return our call at 1-800-…”
Why did they just call me only to tell me to call them? This is stupid. Why not just put a person on the phone and then I don’t have to call them back?
I call the number:
Automated voice: “Thank you for calling your wireless company, if you are calling about account number ----------, please press one, if you are calling about a different account number, please enter it now, beginning with the area code.”
I press one.
Automated voice: “Please enter the account number, beginning with the area code.”
But I just pressed one!
I enter the account number, beginning with the area code.
Automated voice: “Thank you. If you are calling to pay your bill, press one. If you are calling about new services, press two. If you are calling to report a lost or stolen phone, press three. If you are calling to get a report of your available minutes, press four. If you would like to speak to a customer service representative, press five.”
I have no idea which number to push! You people called me.
I press five.
Automated voice: “If you are calling to speak to a customer service representative about a billing error, press one. If you are calling to speak to a customer service representative about payment options, press two. If you are calling to speak to a customer service representative about any other issue, press three.”
I don’t know why I’m calling! YOU CALLED ME!
I press three.
Female voice: “Hello, could I please have the number of the account you are calling about?”
I already gave it to you twice!
Me: “Sure, it’s ----------“
Female voice: “Thank you. And I have some security questions for you…”
To make sure that the person who returned the phone call you made to me is really me? Are there impostors out there who would gladly go through this inane procedure in my place?
After the security questions:
Female voice: “How can I help you today, sir?”
Me: “I have no idea. You called me.”
Female voice: “Oh, right. Let me see what that call was regarding. Sometimes the system calls people for various reasons. It says here that you may be eligible for free upgrades to your phone.”
Me: “What? We just got these two months ago.”
Female voice: “Oh, yes, I see here that you just started your service in April of 2007. In that case, you will be eligible for a free upgrade at the end of 2008.”
2008?! YOU CALLED ME ABOUT 2008?!
Female voice: “Yeah, it looks like the system called you about the upgrades. Also, your account is current and your bill is up to date.”
Female voice: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
I DIDN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME!
Female voice: “Well thank you for calling the wireless company and you have a great day.”
Me: “Sure thing.”
Does that interaction/business model make sense to anyone?